Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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