A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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