Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
