Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
