So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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