he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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