I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
