Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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