You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
