There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
