john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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