Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my poor anus
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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