I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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