insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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