lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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