if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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