you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash