doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
