your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
