the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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