Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
