I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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