Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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