these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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