Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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