what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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