So drunk its hurt
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize