Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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