I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
