she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
