dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
