I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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