Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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