that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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