Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
