Your face is a jimmy john
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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