He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
