Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
