so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
