i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize