What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
