so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
