shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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