I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
