Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
