I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
