Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
