i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
