Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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