I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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