i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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