dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
