Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
