If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
