Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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