Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it was like eating out sand paper
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
