Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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