i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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