I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My breasts were aching with rage.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
