She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
