id be glad to
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
